


The Blame, The Guilt, and The Asari

by loveavillain (copper28)



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Character Death In Dream, Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mass Effect 3, Night Terrors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 20:59:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copper28/pseuds/loveavillain
Summary: In my first play-through of Mass Effect 2, I managed to get Jack and Miranda killed, so this is a little story about how Shepard dealt with that and the nightmares that followed. Liara is there to pick up the pieces.





	The Blame, The Guilt, and The Asari

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for taking the time to view my story, it is very self indulgent and I'm currently very obsessed with the game so there are a few more stories in progress. I hope I do the characters justice and you enjoy reading! As always I hate endings so hoping people think its okay.

_"Shepard!"_

_The voice sounded familiar, but far away. Shepard turned to it anyway, peering through the dark forest and trying to spot any sign of life. Shadows crept across her vision, but there was something red glowing in the distance._

_She started to run, but no matter how hard she tried, how fast she tried to push her legs to sprint, she could barely move. Her chest clenched in panic, gripping her gun more firmly, as if she'd be able to move fast enough to even use it._

_The red glow got brighter, and the temperature rose._

_"Shepard!"_

_The voice sounded closer, and there was someone standing in the smoky room, hidden by the shadows._

_Shepard ran closer, one hand reaching out to try and grab them._

_They turned, and Shepard screamed._

_Jack stood just out of reach, watching her as the blinding red of the laser slowly cut through the side of the ship. Her gaze was already dead, emotionless. She couldn't see Shepard trying desperately to get to her, to pull her into safety. An alarm blared, but it was muffled and fading off into the darkness._

_"Jack come to me, please, Jack!" Shepard begged, her legs aching with the effort to try and get her body to move forwards._

_Jack didn't respond, just kept staring as her shoulder split apart, the deadly laser slicing up her body and charring the skin of her neck. Shepard wanted to turn away but she couldn't. This was her fault, her mistake. Jack wasn't even blaming her for it; she was dead the moment they set off to the Omega 4 relay._

_"Please. I'm sorry." Shepard whispered, her hand still trying to pull Jack towards her. Her face was damp, wet with tears, the salt making her scarring burn._

_"Shepard!" The voice sounded again, but Jack's lips did not move._

_There was a pressure on her shoulder, something dragging her into the darkness, away from Jack as the room was engulfed in flames._

_"No, no, Jack! Jack!" Shepard screamed, struggling against the force that was taking her faster and faster, whipping her through the dark forest until Jack's blank gaze was nothing but a memory. As it always would be._

"Shepard!" 

Shepard woke with a heave of breath, instantly trying to sit bolt upright. The pressure on her shoulder was still there, and it took her a moment to stop freaking out and realise there was a hand there, keeping her steady, keeping her grounded. 

"What-?" Shepard cuts herself off, catching her breath as the cool air in her cabin chilled her sweaty skin. 

Liara was perched on the edge of the bed, one hand keeping hold of Shepard's shoulder and the other coming up to push away the hair that was sticking to her face. "It's okay, calm down. We're on the Normandy, everything is fine." 

Shepard stares at her for a moment, too preoccupied with remembering how to breathe normally to resister Liara's hand had lingered, stroking soothingly across her cheek. "I- what? How long have I been out?" 

Liara pauses in her comfort, drawing her hands back to herself as Shepard comes back to the land of living. Shepard feels their absence instantly, and she sits up a little, drawing herself closer to the asari.

"You've only been gone five hours, but EDI insisted I came to check in." Liara glanced up towards the speakers. "Now I know why." 

"I THOUGHT THE COMMANDER COULD DO WITH A FRIEND." EDI said.

"Thanks." Shepard growled, rubbing a hand across her forehead. 

Liara shifted, glancing towards the door. "Would you like me to leave?" 

Shepard couldn't properly explain how much she didn't want that, and so she didn't try. Instead, her hand dropped, finding Liara's against the sheets. "No." She whispered, her head bowed and her grip tight as she tried desperately not to fall apart. 

"Oh, Shepard." Liara's softness was almost too much, and Shepard tilted further forwards, until she felt Liara come closer. With her head resting on her shoulder, Shepard fought the building emotion within her when Liara curled an arm around her back, pulling them chest to chest in a warm embrace. 

Squeezing her eyes shut, Shepard counted her breaths as she pressed firmly against Liara, focusing on timing them with the gentle strokes of Liara's hand down her back. 

They sat like that for a long while, Liara's mere presence enough to bring Shepard down from her dream's panic. 

"Sorry." Shepard mumbled, straightening so that she wasn't getting Liara's shoulder quite so damp with tears. She didn't move far though, or attempt to break out of the hug. 

Liara shook her head. "Do not apologise. It doesn't suite you." Her lips quirk upwards, and Shepard huffs a laugh. "No, honestly. Why are you apologising? Everyone has bad dreams." 

"I'm sure you were doing something important with your time." Shepard says, avoiding Liara's gaze. "Rather than coming to pull me out of a nightmare." 

Liara shifts, and for a moment Shepard wants to boot herself out into orbit for being stupid enough to suggest Liara was wasting her time with her commander, when she feels fingers pushing under her chin. Shepard follows the direction, and she finds herself eye to eye with Liara. 

"I always have time for you." She says sincerely, and Shepard can't stop herself from flicking her gaze down towards those perfect lips. 

Shepard hums her acknowledgement, and she wants to say something but she can't quite unstick her tongue to form words. 

Liara watches her for a few seconds before she speaks. "You know, you still have another two hours before Garrus is expecting you back. Perhaps you should try to get a bit more rest."

The image of Jack's blank gaze fills Shepard's mind, and she shakes her head. "No, no. I won't sleep." 

Liara is quiet, threading her fingers through Shepard's and stroking along the edge of her thumb. It's comforting, and Shepard almost doesn't register that Liara is asking her a soft question. "Who is Jack?" 

As gentle as Liara asks, Shepard knows there's sadness to her tone. Does she think something happened with her and Jack? Is that why Liara seemed so reluctant to accept Shepard's advances?

"You don't have to tell me. I understand if you would prefer to keep things private." Liara says, her hands going still against Shepard's. 

Shepard takes up the movement instead, returning the gesture and stroking across the velvet softness of Liara's skin. "No, I'll tell you. Perhaps it will do me good to talk about it."

Liara watches her expectantly. 

Taking a deep breath, Shepard allows herself to delve into the pain her body feels. "Jack was recruited to stop the collectors when I was with Cerberus. She was ferocious, made me look like a kitten." 

Shepard huffs a laugh, and Liara gives her an encouraging smile, though her eyes were guarded. 

"I think she and Miranda had a thing. They were always at each other’s throats but whenever we were out on mission they'd be glued together and unstoppable on the ground. Never had a chance to ask either of them." 

Liara's gaze softens, and she shifts a little closer to Shepard. "She sounds formidable."

Shepard nods, trying to ignore how thick her throat felt. "Yeah. Yeah she was. It was my fault, Liara. My fault she died." 

A sigh slips past Liara's lips, and she draws Shepard back towards her again. Shepard goes without complaint, her jaw tight as she fought off the coming tears. 

"You cannot claim responsibility for every life lost in this battle against the reapers." Liara whispered against her ear, allowing her to hide her face against her shoulder as the first tears broke though Shepard's defence. 

"I can for this one. I - she -." Shepard shakes her head. "I didn't reinforce the ships shields, just ploughed straight into war. She was dead the second we set off, because I didn't protect her." 

Liara sighs, her hand moving up Shepard’s back to run her fingers through her hair, gently massaging the top of her neck. Shepard couldn’t stop the onslaught of tears then. She thought she’d cried enough tonight but the grief that had flared up refused to be ignored. 

It helped, having Liara here to comfort her. Shepard remembered when it had happened, when she had returned to the Normandy without Jack, without Miranda, without Legion. She had broken on her own, with no-one to put her back together again. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m here.” Liara murmurs, pressing soft kisses against whatever skin she could reach. 

Warmth moves in on the despair. Her guilt weighs enough to drown her on her own; a sinking ship in a sea of wrong decisions, but Liara will always be her lifeboat. A lifeline that keeps her going, keeps her fighting for a galaxy that will be safe for them to live without fear. 

“I’ve missed you.” Shepard says through shuddering breaths.

Liara hums, her embrace tightening around Shepard. “I’ve missed you too.”

“Don’t leave.” Shepard whispers, her voice quiet, as if saying it any louder would make her disappear. 

Shepard can feel Liara move, and for a moment she panics, thinking she was going to ignore the request and go back to her own quarters. 

But Liara calms her within a second, gently pushing her back until they’re both stretched out against Shepard’s bed, a tangle of limbs and careful kisses. Once they’ve settled, with Shepard tucked snugly against her side, Liara answers.

“Never again.”


End file.
